California

My last few days in New York were filled with nostalgia.  Part of me was so ready to go I was already gone and part of me couldn't come to terms with leaving.  How do you say goodbye to the greatest city in the world?  The city that has held some of my greatest memories and biggest life-moments over the past 5 years.  The city that has hugely shaped who I am, that has seen me at my absolute best and my worst.  New York has watched me fall in love, get my first job, graduate from college, teach my first yoga class. I have cried on it's streets and in it's parks. It has watched me grow and become the woman that I am.

I didn't know how to say goodbye to New York. So I didn't. I spent my last few days as a New Yorker trying to soak up every possible piece of it from the homeless man I pass on the subway, to little chinese woman cashier in my local fruit store in Brooklyn. As ready as I was to leave, I wished I could bring parts of the city with me.  Lock them up in a box and have them where ever I go. Like the sound of my teacher's voice chanting at the end of savasana, the cobblestone streets of the west village, the beautiful little churches on almost every corner, Washington Square Park on the first day of spring, and the vibrancy of Union Square at rush hour. My heart ached for all that I was about to leave behind. The powerful heartbeat of a city filled with so much life.

I think I will always look back on my years in New York with absolute fondness, even though it wasn't always the case.

Now, I am here. In Calabasas, which I love. We could literally not have picked a better place to live.  We are surrounded by mountains on 3 sides, 20 minutes down a scenic canyon road from Malibu, and minutes from the yoga studios of LA. We hear coyotes howling in the hills at night, and birds in the morning. But other than that it is serene and perfectly quiet. It's an escape and already feels like Home. I have the walk-in closet I've dreamed of for years, a washer/dryer, balcony, dishwasher, kitchen with so many cabinets they are only half filled, and all the comforts of home.

Los Angeles on the other hand has not greeted me well.  To be quite honest, I am not a fan. Especially of the 405. It's hot, dirty, filled with cars and traffic. I love my zippy new car, Riley, she's a 2012 Ford Focus Hatchback. But I do not like driving her through highway after highway. I hold my breathe and think I'm going to die every time I pass a trunk, I struggle to keep a constant speed of even 65, and I am completely out of practice. I miss living in a walking city. Not to even mention the guilt I felt tonight at the gas pump. I feel a bit like a fish out of water, like I'm living someone else's life and don't belong here. In fact, I feel a lot like that.  Los Angeles is not really a place I ever saw myself living. I think I make a much better New Yorker.

All and all, it's been quite a dramatic life change.  I'm trying to be gentle with myself, give myself time, and be patient.  I am not supposed to have it together within a few days or even a few weeks.  And part of me wants to go into silent hibernation, quietly decorating our apartment and making it into a Home until I'm ready to take on the city.

But I'm here. I'm Home. And I'm ready to give this new life all I've got.

In Malibu 

My new table. There's a long story behind it, but that's for another day.