California

My last few days in New York were filled with nostalgia.  Part of me was so ready to go I was already gone and part of me couldn't come to terms with leaving.  How do you say goodbye to the greatest city in the world?  The city that has held some of my greatest memories and biggest life-moments over the past 5 years.  The city that has hugely shaped who I am, that has seen me at my absolute best and my worst.  New York has watched me fall in love, get my first job, graduate from college, teach my first yoga class. I have cried on it's streets and in it's parks. It has watched me grow and become the woman that I am.

I didn't know how to say goodbye to New York. So I didn't. I spent my last few days as a New Yorker trying to soak up every possible piece of it from the homeless man I pass on the subway, to little chinese woman cashier in my local fruit store in Brooklyn. As ready as I was to leave, I wished I could bring parts of the city with me.  Lock them up in a box and have them where ever I go. Like the sound of my teacher's voice chanting at the end of savasana, the cobblestone streets of the west village, the beautiful little churches on almost every corner, Washington Square Park on the first day of spring, and the vibrancy of Union Square at rush hour. My heart ached for all that I was about to leave behind. The powerful heartbeat of a city filled with so much life.

I think I will always look back on my years in New York with absolute fondness, even though it wasn't always the case.

Now, I am here. In Calabasas, which I love. We could literally not have picked a better place to live.  We are surrounded by mountains on 3 sides, 20 minutes down a scenic canyon road from Malibu, and minutes from the yoga studios of LA. We hear coyotes howling in the hills at night, and birds in the morning. But other than that it is serene and perfectly quiet. It's an escape and already feels like Home. I have the walk-in closet I've dreamed of for years, a washer/dryer, balcony, dishwasher, kitchen with so many cabinets they are only half filled, and all the comforts of home.

Los Angeles on the other hand has not greeted me well.  To be quite honest, I am not a fan. Especially of the 405. It's hot, dirty, filled with cars and traffic. I love my zippy new car, Riley, she's a 2012 Ford Focus Hatchback. But I do not like driving her through highway after highway. I hold my breathe and think I'm going to die every time I pass a trunk, I struggle to keep a constant speed of even 65, and I am completely out of practice. I miss living in a walking city. Not to even mention the guilt I felt tonight at the gas pump. I feel a bit like a fish out of water, like I'm living someone else's life and don't belong here. In fact, I feel a lot like that.  Los Angeles is not really a place I ever saw myself living. I think I make a much better New Yorker.

All and all, it's been quite a dramatic life change.  I'm trying to be gentle with myself, give myself time, and be patient.  I am not supposed to have it together within a few days or even a few weeks.  And part of me wants to go into silent hibernation, quietly decorating our apartment and making it into a Home until I'm ready to take on the city.

But I'm here. I'm Home. And I'm ready to give this new life all I've got.

In Malibu 

My new table. There's a long story behind it, but that's for another day. 

The Dress

About three weeks ago I went to Kleinfeld's, from Say Yes To the Dress, with a group of good friends.  I'm an avid viewer of the show so it was an experience I wanted to have before leaving New York.

I had no intention of buying a dress, especially since my budget was just about where gowns start at Kleinfeld's.  I printed off pictures of gowns I liked, but had no intention finding the dress of my dreams at this fancy and famous bridal salon which housed gowns far above my price range.

I tried on two dresses. They were fine. I had no "oh my god, I'm actually getting MARRIED" moment.  It all felt quite natural, normal and practical. The first two were nothing special, sure they were pretty, but certainly nothing jaw dropping.  Then I tried on the third. It was...more perfect than I was ever expecting to find.  It was everything I wanted in a dress - the neckline, the material, the shape (specifics not to be disclosed!). I'm not a particularly curvy lady, but this dress had a way of working magic. And it was perfectly in my budget. I didn't want to take it off - and I didn't! For 45 minutes, I called Nate, my parents, skyped with my parents, and deliberated as my friends and Rita- my fantastic little Italian bridal consultant, told me I HAD to get it.

It was everything I wanted: elegant, timeless, simple. But could it be this easy? Could I commit so soon?  I had no intention of putting such a huge purchase on my credit card today. The longer I stayed in the dress, the more I fell in love with it, and the more my friends urged me to pull the trigger, but also the more pressure I felt. An enormous amount of pressure - and probably I could have gone either way. But when it came down to it, even after the price was lowered a bit, I couldn't pull the trigger. This was a decision I needed to sleep on.

Moments after leaving the bridal salon, the pressure had lifted and I knew I made the right decision. Moments after that I realized I need to go back and get my dress (I also began calling it my dress).

I got home that night and the first thing I did was look up the designer and dress name online: Henry Roth: Amalia.  I googled and nothing.  Over the next few days I searched runway video after runway video, bridal website after bridal website.  I searched for hours but my dress was no where to be found.  So I emailed the designers website and within a few days Henry Roth himself emailed me back saying the dress is brand new so there are no photos of it.  I then found out that Henry Roth is an Australian designer and only sells in 3 salons in the country (none of which were in California). My dress was becoming more special by the minute!

So my mom booked a flight out, and I was determined to first, be sure it was the one, and second to go back and get it!

So Friday arrives, we start at a little Bridal shop, where I quickly find out that they have absolutely nothing in my price range. Then we go back to Rita! I was so excited to see her, I gave her a hug and introduced her to my mom. She said "can you believe it she is getting married, so young, so innocent!".

We get to Rita's dressing room, as she goes to get the dress.

15 minutes go by and she doesn't return. It's taking longer than usual. Then she comes back and asks me to describe the dress because she can't find it and thinks she wrote down the wrong number, so I do and she leaves again. Another 15 minutes go by and she comes back in the room with an assistant and says "come with me".  She then takes me into the giant stock room with thousands of dresses! And one by one we start searching for the dress. Finally the assistant goes "I found it". I shriek, "That's it! I love it!".

Then we realize the reason it was so difficult to find was because it had been... discontinued. I put the dress back on, love it, and then learn through multiple visits from the manager and calls to the designer in Australia that the factory that creates the material the dress is made from no longer has it available so the dress, which only came out in December, and was a Kleinfeld's exclusive, is now no longer being made. Which means, the dress only existed at one saloon for a period of about 2 months. Which means, it's very much one-of-a-kind. The only way to get the dress is to buy the very new looking sample which has been lowered $400 from the original price.

After much deliberation about sizing (it's a little too big, and has a few little snags), the manager offered me the dress for, brace yourself, $1000 off the original price to account for any extra alterations which will need to be made. I could not believe it. I was basically spending half of my budget on the dress of my dreams.

So I left Kleinfeld's yesterday a very happy girl, a girl who didn't have to pay sales tax either since I was shipping out of state. So the dress of my dreams arrives at my parents house next week. I'm actually getting married! I have the dress and everything!!!

I must say, Kleinfeld's was an incredible experience that exceeded my expectations - particularly due to my wonderful little Italian Bridal consultant, Rita who found the dress of my dreams within my difficult price point, and made sure I left happy.

And that is the story of my dress. She will make her debut down the isle less than 1 year from now. I am so ready! :)