Tonight I am missing my two great loves
And
Nate and New York City.
Add in my little orange puppy, and I think I may be set for life.
I'm ready to go home.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Christmas in California
Stuytown in December
Too bad I'm missing the first snow of the season as I write this!
My homemade Carmel Apple Spice
Taking a bath so she's nice and clean for our trip
Pumpkin in her new carrier all ready for our flight to California
My girls!
Savanna is NOT a fan of Pumpkin
Christmas Eve dinner with the fam.
I didn't get the "all red" memo!
Julia with her new best friend
Cousins
A 21st century Christmas?
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Christmas is wonderful, and the older I get, surprisingly, the more I realize what an incredible magical holiday it is. But I can't help but feel like something is missing. It seems like the older I get the more the holidays become a painful reminder of how Christmas used to be. A painful reminder that my innocent childhood days are gone, so far gone it seems like they never even existed in the first place.
I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Whether its divorce, a torn apart family, a destructive relationship, the death of a parent, or just lost traditions, I know a lot people my age are feeling this loss of how Christmas "used to be". It makes me wonder if life was always this screwed up. Maybe there was hate and anger hidden underneath happy family traditions even when I was young, and maybe I was just too young and innocent to see it!
Christmas my sophomore year of college was the year everything hit all at once. My childhood was over, I no longer lived at home, and because of complicated reasons our magical family traditions we had my entire life would never be the same. I remember going to the movies with my family and feeling this huge emptiness.
I'm probably being way over-dramatic, but sometimes it seems like all the magic of the holidays and the huge emphasis on family, only makes those who are lacking in this "family" department feel an overwhelming sense of inadequacy; a lack of belonging. It almost seems better to just skip over the holidays rather than sit back and dwell on the painful reminder that things just aren't that good.
All of this thinking just makes me want to start over. It makes me want to spend Christmas with Nate, who has really become my family, my best friend, and my partner in life. It makes me want to say "to hell with it all", and start my own traditions, make my own magic and have my own family. This lack of Christmas magic makes me want to have my own children and rekindle that fire by giving them Christmas magic. I know this day will happen and I know things will get better, no matter how bad they seem.
I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Whether its divorce, a torn apart family, a destructive relationship, the death of a parent, or just lost traditions, I know a lot people my age are feeling this loss of how Christmas "used to be". It makes me wonder if life was always this screwed up. Maybe there was hate and anger hidden underneath happy family traditions even when I was young, and maybe I was just too young and innocent to see it!
Christmas my sophomore year of college was the year everything hit all at once. My childhood was over, I no longer lived at home, and because of complicated reasons our magical family traditions we had my entire life would never be the same. I remember going to the movies with my family and feeling this huge emptiness.
I'm probably being way over-dramatic, but sometimes it seems like all the magic of the holidays and the huge emphasis on family, only makes those who are lacking in this "family" department feel an overwhelming sense of inadequacy; a lack of belonging. It almost seems better to just skip over the holidays rather than sit back and dwell on the painful reminder that things just aren't that good.
All of this thinking just makes me want to start over. It makes me want to spend Christmas with Nate, who has really become my family, my best friend, and my partner in life. It makes me want to say "to hell with it all", and start my own traditions, make my own magic and have my own family. This lack of Christmas magic makes me want to have my own children and rekindle that fire by giving them Christmas magic. I know this day will happen and I know things will get better, no matter how bad they seem.
I have 28 hours till California and I need to:
Bathe Pumpkin
Do Laundry
Go to work
Study for my last final
Pack for myself
Pack for pumpkin
Finish buying the last 2 christmas presents
Wrap presents
Figure out where I'm staying
Figure out where Pumpkin is staying
Too bad its the shortest day of the year!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Our Last Christmas Ball
One weekend a year Nate and I live in a dream world.
We eat home-made muffins and and milk shakes at an old fashion sweet shoppe, stay in a mansion, dress up, witness the first snowfall of the season, and go to a ball. Christmas ball. My favorite weekend of the year. I get to feel like a princess and I love creating traditions with someone I love.
This was our third and last year going to the Christmas ball and staying at Glen Cove Mansion.
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| 2008 |
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| 2009 |
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| 2010 |
The cute little sweet shoppe diner we go to every year.
They have to-die-for muffins and the place hasn't changed in over 100 years!
Glen Cove Mansion
We thought it would be a perfect time to exchange Christmas presents.
Let's just say I am a very luck girl.
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| The most beautiful diamond necklace, that I don't think I'll be taking off, ever. |
On our way back from to the city we stopped at Trader Joes in Queens where our cashier asked if we were newlyweds and then to Bob's Discount Furniture just to look where we were literally followed by a sales associate the entire time in case we had any questions. I don't know if its my pretty necklace, or Nate's new Bannana Republic coat I bought him, but we feel very old. And I like it.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Thanksgiving
Good news: the fleas are long gone. They only lasted for about 24 hours, and there were only about 4 of them. I may have overreated slightly.
I can't believe its December already.
I can't believe I will be graduated from college in a little over a month.
I can't believe I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life in a little over a month!
As scary as post-graduation sounds I'm actually starting to get a little excited, because for the first time, ever, my life will be up to me.
Here's some pictures from Thanksgiving.
Ashley, Nate and I all went to Ashley's house in south Jersey.
It was so nice to get away, especially to a real log cabin amist 14 acres!
I swear her house feels like a vacation home.
I ate delicious food, learned ALL about hunting, played with dogs and a ferret and did some much needed relaxing. I'm so thankful to Ashley's family for having us all up for the holidays.
I can't believe its December already.
I can't believe I will be graduated from college in a little over a month.
I can't believe I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life in a little over a month!
As scary as post-graduation sounds I'm actually starting to get a little excited, because for the first time, ever, my life will be up to me.
Here's some pictures from Thanksgiving.
Ashley, Nate and I all went to Ashley's house in south Jersey.
It was so nice to get away, especially to a real log cabin amist 14 acres!
I swear her house feels like a vacation home.
I ate delicious food, learned ALL about hunting, played with dogs and a ferret and did some much needed relaxing. I'm so thankful to Ashley's family for having us all up for the holidays.
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| The sign I made for all the impatient New Yorkers behind us as we sat in traffic. |
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| Pumpkin sitting on Nate's lap in traffic... |
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| Sitting for a treat, can you tell? |
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| Emily, Ashley's little sister, made Pumpkin a cute bandanna! |
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| Phoebe the ferret! |
Thursday, December 2, 2010
f-l-e-a-s. AH!
During the last week I've come to know the expression "when it rains it pours".
It seems like everything I own has either malfunctioned, broke, gone missing, or developed a very expensive condition.
I ran out of make-up.
My blow-dyer of 4 years died.
My mascara has gone missing.
My yoga pants got a hole in the crotch.
My only pair of jeans got a hole in the leg.
My 1 of only 2 bras has gone permanently missing.
My leather gloves that save my fingers from freezing handle bars got a giant hole in the lining.
But worst of all...
My little pumpkin got FLEAS!
I can barely even bring myself to say it, I feel so ashamed that my sweet snuggley puppy could have something so grotesque. I noticed them as I was rubbing her belly this morning. 3 or so tiny black dots running around her soft orange stomach, and I freaked. I raced to the store to buy her flea shampoo, bathed her, and still saw one running around her belly. So I went to petco and bought the best, (and it wouldn't be the best without being the most expensive, of course) Frontline Plus.
Apparently I'm over-reacting, I just have never seen a flea in my entire life, and the whole idea FREAKS me out. Not to mention I feel like a horrible mother to my itchy little girl who has not stopped crying. The medicine I have her on protects against heartworm and breaks the flea cycle by sterilizing any fleas that land on her. The dogs at home have been on it for years and no fleas so I figured I was safe. I was wrong. So the rugs have been washed, the medicine applied, and I have become a crazy worrisome mom! Yes, when it rains it pours.
It seems like everything I own has either malfunctioned, broke, gone missing, or developed a very expensive condition.
I ran out of make-up.
My blow-dyer of 4 years died.
My mascara has gone missing.
My yoga pants got a hole in the crotch.
My only pair of jeans got a hole in the leg.
My 1 of only 2 bras has gone permanently missing.
My leather gloves that save my fingers from freezing handle bars got a giant hole in the lining.
But worst of all...
My little pumpkin got FLEAS!
I can barely even bring myself to say it, I feel so ashamed that my sweet snuggley puppy could have something so grotesque. I noticed them as I was rubbing her belly this morning. 3 or so tiny black dots running around her soft orange stomach, and I freaked. I raced to the store to buy her flea shampoo, bathed her, and still saw one running around her belly. So I went to petco and bought the best, (and it wouldn't be the best without being the most expensive, of course) Frontline Plus.
Apparently I'm over-reacting, I just have never seen a flea in my entire life, and the whole idea FREAKS me out. Not to mention I feel like a horrible mother to my itchy little girl who has not stopped crying. The medicine I have her on protects against heartworm and breaks the flea cycle by sterilizing any fleas that land on her. The dogs at home have been on it for years and no fleas so I figured I was safe. I was wrong. So the rugs have been washed, the medicine applied, and I have become a crazy worrisome mom! Yes, when it rains it pours.
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