As of lately, my entire life has been consumed with planning my wedding (88 days to go!) and teaching/pursuing my teaching career. Almost everything I do in the day to day falls into those 2 categories.
The wedding plans are becoming more and more solid. I use Crest White Strips and go to the gym everyday. We've found and booked almost all of our vendors, and can now spend the next two months sorting out the details. Details, I'll be sorting out all by my lonesome since Nate is currently traveling about 80% of the year. Whoever says getting married means you'll never be lonely again lied. But it's okay. Travel isn't all bad. Without it we wouldn't be going on a honeymoon (7 days in Hawaii, yes please) and I wouldn't have the financial flexibility to basically start my own business from the ground up as a yoga teacher. So we are thankful for what we have, even though we hope it isn't permanent.
I now understand why people say wait to get married, and sometimes wish I had met Nate when I was a success 35 year old woman with a fulfilling career. But we're figuring it out together. Two careers, two lives, two very long sets of goals, a lot of debt, and a lot of love. Some days it just feels like a complicated mess.
Other days, like today, being able to come home after a hugely unsuccessful day to the man of my dreams makes me feel like marrying him is the best decision I'll ever make. This afternoon, my friends, the only person who came to my yoga class was a homeless man. This is not a joke. I was alone in the studio waiting for class to start with the door wide open, and in walks a mentally unstable homeless man asking if class was in session! I freaked and basically bolted out the door, luckily he followed me and trailed off so I was able to sneak back inside and lock the door behind me. It's just so sad it's funny. I also got a fabulously obvious eye-roll this morning from a student who was not enthused about Utitta Parsvakonasana. Days like today remind me that being a yoga teacher isn't always awesome.
But some days, most days, it fills my life with an inexhaustible sense of purpose and meaning. I recently attended a workshop during which the teacher told us we will be most successful if we "Do and Act in alignment with what is the highest version of ourselves". This really spoke to me. Because although financially things are hard (if not impossible), and I sometimes feel like I have to take ten steps backwards to take one step forward, when I sit and witness my students in Savasana at the end of class I know that this is my work. This is the highest version of myself, my greatest challenge, and the most rewarding career I could ever imagine. And that is one of the best feelings in the world.
I also started reading The Courage to Teach by Parker J. Palmer. I encourage any teacher in any field to read this book. I just read the section entitled "The Teacher Within" and I think I underlined every sentence!
It makes the hard days better with passages like this:
"If a work is mine to do, it will make me glad over the long haul, despite the difficult days. Even the difficult days will gladden me, because they pose the kinds of problems that can help me grow in a work if it is truly mine"
