I have 19 days left in New York.
Over the past week I've watched my furniture go one piece at a time, and have panicked more than a little bit at the thought that I'll never get my vintage, hand painted desk back. I've watched the picture frames come off my now very white walls, and the boxes start piling up. I've watched as a new girl got hired into my job and new tenants got ready to move into my room.
A large part of me doesn't want to think about saying goodbye to friends, doesn't want to leave what I believe to be the greatest city in our country, and doesn't want to end this turbulent but incredible chapter of my life. I'm not sure I'm ready to give up my title as a New Yorker, and I'm not sure I'll ever be proud to say "I'm from LA" quite the same as I am when I say I'm visiting from New York. This city has seen grow over the past almost 5 years; it has seen me at my worst and my best.
But a larger part of me is ready to go Home. I'm ready to take the leap and dive into teaching with the love and support of the greatest man I will ever know. I'm ready to make a home for us, complete with new furniture, freshly painted walls, and all the home-cooked meals I wish I could have made over the past 7 months but didn't because I felt dumb cooking for 1. I'm ready to give Pumpkin space - hiking trails, the beach, her grandparents backyard. I'm ready to be around to see my newest little cousin grow. I'm ready to plan my wedding with my family. I'm ready to begin my new life with my partner and best friend.
So I'm filled with a million emotions - fear, panic, nostalgia, and excitement and I'm just trying to take it all in because in 19 days I know things will never be quite the same.
